Purging~
I welcome my birthday month with a catharsis of mind, body, heart, soul and spirit...
And as the full moon is out I know it is the perfect time to go through this personal ritual that happens naturally, for some reason, just as God is about to add another year to my life...
It began with the 12 days of being pure vegetarian as a sign of mourning and respect for my Grandaunt's soul, which ended Wednesday...but for some reason, I stayed veg till 7pm today...my body was feeling weak all throughout that time, add to that the brutal 230+kph storm, Milenyo, hitting us last week, which left thousands in Luzon homeless, hurt and hungry...to date, electricity still has not be restored in a lot of areas, I succumbed to a flu, to which, the only cure was, bed rest according to my doctor.
Within this past week as well, one of my best friends among the DLSU faculty, where i used to teach, was preparing to migrate to Australia today with her family. Throughout the week we talked, cried, and poured our hearts out...several goodbyes were needed and yet today as I said it one last time, I couldn't help but give in to the overflow of emotions...she was a sister to me and as I am her son's godmother, the attachment was hard to let go of...even her husband is a good friend whom I respect and whom I will never forget asked me to proofread his wedding vow days before their special day--which turned out to be truly a test of friendship as we braved the bomb attacks that happened that day in Manila.
And then my cousins had to go back to their daily lives across cities, provinces and continents, after being in touch for the past 12 days, since Amma's passing...we could not say our goodbyes as we knew the next day, sadness would overcome us and we would miss each other and our laughter, stories of Amma, our childhood, our dreams, our herstories and histories...many hugs were exchanged and memories were tucked into our souls where we could easily dig in anytime we needed them.
It has been pretty cathartic indeed. Add to that my innate desire to physically fix my surroundings when I am troubled...so I went through the task of cataloguing my research work the past few years including pictures and souvenirs for the scrapbooks I plan to create...it started yesterday as I could not stay in bed anymore...and well, today, I stumbled upon long lost letters of influential people in my life who have made me who I am today...and a diary of mine which I refused to read until today because I was scared to feel emotions I have set aside for decades....
'Tis truly my season for reflection, for looking back, for coming full circle, for gratefulness, for learning and noting the lessons I've learned and for looking towards the light, the next step God wants me to take and for trusting Him that as I walk with Him, He will continue to open windows of His love and faithfulness, filled with miracles, hope and the promise of magnificence. Here I am, Lord, use me and mold me.
And as the full moon is out I know it is the perfect time to go through this personal ritual that happens naturally, for some reason, just as God is about to add another year to my life...
It began with the 12 days of being pure vegetarian as a sign of mourning and respect for my Grandaunt's soul, which ended Wednesday...but for some reason, I stayed veg till 7pm today...my body was feeling weak all throughout that time, add to that the brutal 230+kph storm, Milenyo, hitting us last week, which left thousands in Luzon homeless, hurt and hungry...to date, electricity still has not be restored in a lot of areas, I succumbed to a flu, to which, the only cure was, bed rest according to my doctor.
Within this past week as well, one of my best friends among the DLSU faculty, where i used to teach, was preparing to migrate to Australia today with her family. Throughout the week we talked, cried, and poured our hearts out...several goodbyes were needed and yet today as I said it one last time, I couldn't help but give in to the overflow of emotions...she was a sister to me and as I am her son's godmother, the attachment was hard to let go of...even her husband is a good friend whom I respect and whom I will never forget asked me to proofread his wedding vow days before their special day--which turned out to be truly a test of friendship as we braved the bomb attacks that happened that day in Manila.
And then my cousins had to go back to their daily lives across cities, provinces and continents, after being in touch for the past 12 days, since Amma's passing...we could not say our goodbyes as we knew the next day, sadness would overcome us and we would miss each other and our laughter, stories of Amma, our childhood, our dreams, our herstories and histories...many hugs were exchanged and memories were tucked into our souls where we could easily dig in anytime we needed them.
It has been pretty cathartic indeed. Add to that my innate desire to physically fix my surroundings when I am troubled...so I went through the task of cataloguing my research work the past few years including pictures and souvenirs for the scrapbooks I plan to create...it started yesterday as I could not stay in bed anymore...and well, today, I stumbled upon long lost letters of influential people in my life who have made me who I am today...and a diary of mine which I refused to read until today because I was scared to feel emotions I have set aside for decades....
'Tis truly my season for reflection, for looking back, for coming full circle, for gratefulness, for learning and noting the lessons I've learned and for looking towards the light, the next step God wants me to take and for trusting Him that as I walk with Him, He will continue to open windows of His love and faithfulness, filled with miracles, hope and the promise of magnificence. Here I am, Lord, use me and mold me.
posted by Cindygrrl~ @ 1:33 AM
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